2014 has been relentless.
I opened a business this year and learned that I have no coping skills whatsoever. Now that things are moving quickly, I find myself constantly scattering, emotionally scraping by.
It appears that your twenties are when you “live” and convince yourself you have no regrets. In your thirties, you realize you regret all sorts of things and you do your best to correct as many of them as possible.
I regret going to a Christian College.
I regret being so wrapped up in religion that I missed the rest.
I regret not knowing how to commit to my own family.
I regret that I didn’t look for any quiet until my life was so loud that I didn’t know where to find it.
I regret drinking, smoking, and eating myself overweight.
I regret not moving to California the second I had the notion.
I regret the way I treated you.
So, what now?
Now, I’ll do the best I can.
I’ll make things right as often as I can.
I’ll apologize more.
I’ll travel more.
I’ll hug the people I love more.
I’ll give my children the opportunities to do the things I should have.
I’ll seek balance.
I’ll teach my children about love. And hope that in time, I’m able to undo the fear, guilt, and rage just waiting in the back of my mind.
I’ll hope that eventually, I’ll find some quiet. Some clarity.
I’ve always used this as a place to show some photos from whatever trip I just got back from, but I stopped doing that some time ago for whatever reason. I suppose I’ll stop forcing this to be something and let it be whatever it is. I always had a “no reblog” rule. Fuck that. Y’all are better photographers anyways.
Peace and love,